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I'll Be Happy When...Or Are You Missing The Ride?

September 9, 2018

 My name is Ryan McMahon.  I've played music for nearly twenty years; I've been 1/3 of Lion Bear Fox for six of those.  I've had no money, I've had decent money, I've gained friends, lost friends, thought I knew things and realized I know nothing.  I've played in front of thousands and I've played in front of bar staff.  I love writing songs; chasing melodies and making things that didn't exist before I put pen to paper, opening myself up to possibilities.

I've been a career-ist for so long now, it's hard to imagine anything else but music truly driving me.  For all the tours, all the records - all of the amazing experiences and places I've been because of the path I've chosen, something has always been missing.  It's my state of mind.   It's how I've come to look at 'the cup.'

No tour has been fulfilling enough, no record perfect enough or rife with hits; my voice flawed, my stature too diminutive, my forehead too big, or what I have to say not important enough, etc etc...  All this internal doubt - all this garbage - has lead me to an understanding:  For 20 years of music, 10 years of a relationship & marriage, over 10 years of fatherhood, I've looked at my cup as being half empty.  It's a cliche, but it's what I've got today.  It applies.  Countless times, I've found myself saying "I'll be happy when I have__________" or "I can't wait to get through this________" - I've been missing everything on the ride!!!

 My 38th year on planet earth has been a time of discovery.  It's the first time where I've been looking at my life clock and finding that the time to appreciate this beautiful gift - living - is evaporating.  I'm feeling like a mortal.  I'm finding that I'm being more aware of the times that I'm hard on myself, and that I'm letting go of those things.  I am re-directing focus on negative things that take place - a disagreement with my wife; a show that was under-attended - and directing my energy towards positive things that I've accomplished: playing for thousands in Denmark, seeing all the friends I've made across Canada, kept a roof over my family and kept a marriage on track in a time where people so easily give up on one another.

I get to wake up in the morning, see my kids off to school, and come back to my office/workshop and work on something I love so dearly!  My life is rich & full, and full of variety.  I have a wonderful family and loyal friends.

 I will continue to aim higher; to be a better writer, a better husband, father, friend, neighbour, musician and businessman.  I will continue to better myself, but I will also stand back, breathe, and take stock that I am just a work in progress, and I have accomplished much up to today.

 

 

 

 

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February 10, 2020

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